Vikings & Beekeepers

Like I said last week, there’s a big dumb year-end list on the way, but first, let’s vent a bit.

While there were heaps of terrific, possibly classic albums released this past year, the truth is, very few of them are perfect. To quote David St. Hubbins: “It’s a fine line between stupid and clever.” Sometimes artists, even great ones, make a misstep on the brilliant/terrible line. This year there were plenty of artists who put out wonderful, fascinating, risky albums, but many of those artists also showed that they were not infallible on those same terrific albums. So here it is:

10 Terrible Songs From 2008’s Great Albums (in order):

10. Blitzen Trapper “Love U”

Not necessarily an awful song at all, actually, but on an album that is otherwise so easy to play when guests are over (a little folk here, a little rock there, something for everyone, but never too much of anything), this song always has me preemptively running to the stereo to turn the volume knob to a hard left. If it was an album full of screechy, molasses rock Prince knock-offs that would be fine. Chances are I would enjoy it, but opt out of playing it when guests are over. But on an album that is so agreeable, it sticks out like sore – not to mention abrasive – thumb.

9. TI (feat. Swizz Beatz) “Swing Ya Rag”

Very few rap albums are perfect, and more often than not it’s the token “bling” track that ultimately hurts things. While TI made great strides this year with Paper Trail, the album couldn’t help lowering itself to the genre’s most tired clichés (“Swagga Like Us” is pretty guilty too, utilizing not only lots of auto-tune, but also an M.I.A. sample). “Swing Ya Rag” big ups Gucci and Louis Vuitton throughout and, well, tell you what…if you give a shit about what they have to say on the topic of fashion you’re a better person than me. Well, maybe you’re not.

8. Why? “Good Friday”

Why’s Alopecia is a terrific sounding album, creating an ingratiating sonic foundation for Why? frontman Yoni Wolf’s stream-of-consciousness lyrics. Unfortunately, sometimes that stream-of-consciousness brings up, to quote Wolf, “the kind of shit I won’t admit to my head-shrinker.” You know, stuff like black and Peurto Rican porno or jerking off in an art museum. Awk-ward! I love the chorus, and everything sounds lovely, but please, Yoni, next time save this shit for your head-shrinker and leave me out of it.

7. The Gaslight Anthem “Film Noir”

New Jersey’s The Gaslight Anthem’s latest album, The ’59 Sound attempts to capture the heart of their fellow statesmen Bruce Springsteen through a filter of New Jersey’s Bouncing Souls and Chicago’s Alkaline Trio. At it’s less-than-best, it sounds more like Springsteen-by-way-of-the-Killers. And at it’s very worst it sounds like “Film Noir,” an attempt at some kind of bluesy road anthem, with lyrics that could only be described as unedited and amateurish. “Film Noir” opens with some sad sack sitting on the side of the road reading some note from a former flame that, honest to God, opens with the line, “Baby, honey, child, I love you so long.” That’s either a really bad racist joke on the part of singer-songwriter Brian Fallon or this guy needs to get his ass over to a remedial English class pronto. Even if the song improves as it goes along, lyrics like “Sugar and spice, and everything nice,” aren’t going to help you dig out of the hole you’ve already dug for yourself.

6. Deerhoof “Basket Ball Get Your Groove Back”

No Deerhoof album goes unblemished. As much as I love their music, they have the pesky habit of throwing their albums off course with at least one grating, overly precious exercise in patience. While “Basket Ball” may be one of the better bad Deerhoof tracks, there still can’t be a single person in the world who wants to hear Satomi Marsuzakie sing “Bunny jump, Bunny jump, Bunny Bunny Bunny jump.”

5. The Mae Shi “Kingdome Come”

An 11-and-a-half minute mid-album, techno remix summary of every song that preceded it. Obviously, something this painful and boldly tracklisted can only come from a dare. Here’s hoping The Mae Shi racked up some serious coin for so effectively derailing their awesome HLLLYH.

4. Marnie Stern “Prime”

Talk about putting your worst foot forward. To kick off the incredible This Is It And I Am It And You Are It And So Is That And He Is It And She Is It And It Is It And That Is That, Marnie Stern apparently decided to try and scare any newcomers off with this shrill, atonal, talky piece of noise. Essentially, everything there is to not like about Marnie Stern is right here in this song. Next time, Marnie, shove your weaknesses into the background and let your fingers do the work.

3. Girl Talk “Let Me See You”

2 Many DJs’ “A Stroke Of Genie-us” mash-up between the Strokes and Christina Aguilera will likely go down as the most famous mash-up ever produced. Of course, the reason for that is more for it being the first to pair “pop” culture with “sub-culture” (of course, The Strokes’ relationship with sub-culture is tenuous at best), than it is for the song itself, which gets a bit atonal and incongruous at the chorus. That same incongruity hurts “Let Me See You,” which could have been just another solid collection of modern hip hop and pop paired with classic cheese from the 70s and 80s from Girl Talk’s enjoyable Feed The Animals, had it not been for a pair of mash-up miscues. First, R. Kelly, a great singer no matter how you slice, goes flat when paired with Bizarre Inc’s “ I’m Gonna Get You,” (that note at the 1:05 mark is unforgivable) then Girl Talk’s Greg Gillis decides to hurt things even more when marrying M.I.A’s aggravating “Na Nas” on “Boyz” with the Cranberries’ “Dreams.” A mash-up only works if the songs that are being mashed-up go together. There is about a minute’s worth of material on “Let Me See You” where the songs simply don’t work and it’s a physically painful thing to listen to.

2. David Byrne & Brian Eno “I Feel My Stuff”

The Rolling Stones’ Dirty Work album cover. KISS unmasked. The disco version of “Here Comes The Night.” Tin Machine. Phil Collins showing up in a Bone Thugs-n-Harmony video. And now David Byrne & Brian Eno’s “I Feel My Stuff.” Beloved (and aging) artist aiming for hipness and missing by a country mile.

1. TV On The Radio “Dancing Choose”

TVOTR’s Dear Science is a masterfully produced album that oozes urgency and pleads for a deeper listen. What it’s not is a great vocal album. While the whole barbershop thing used to be TVOTR’s calling card, they’ve now almost entirely become a vehicle for producer David Sitek to show off his considerable soundboard skills. It’s the production that makes Dear Science such an engrossing listen, but it’s the lack of vocal dynamic that makes “Dancing Choose” such an offensive listen. Singer Tunde Adebimpe is a captivating singer with his full, yet delicate voice. What he is not is a competent rapper and when he jumps into the opening verse of “Dancing Choose” – already significantly out of breath, I might add – the song takes on the urgency of “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” but, you know, somehow worse. TVOTR are a risk-taking band, but it’s not a risk unless there’s the possibility of falling completely on your face. “Dancing Choose” is a risk that makes me wish TVOTR had just played it safe. Really really safe.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 16th, 2009 at 4:24 pm and is filed under Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.