The Bad News First: 10 Terrible Songs From 2009’s Great Albums
Last year I did a list of the 10 worst songs from 2008’s great albums and I had so much fun doing it that I decided to give it another shot for ’09. Unfortunately, I didn’t really hear a lot that I actively disliked from my favorite albums. Sure, there were a few stinkers from some albums, but too often I was complaining about songs that didn’t really service their corresponding albums or in other cases were just a tad overrated. None were necessarily that “awful.” Still, I’ve got issues with all these songs, but it doesn’t get really bad until over half way through. These artists are on watch anyway.
10. Taken By Trees “My Boys”
OK, far from bad actually, but it really rubs me the wrong way that Taken By Trees’ lovely East Of Eden had to throw in a damn cover to get noticed. The fact that the cover is a gender-switched version of Animal Collective’s smash “My Girls” just makes it all too precious for me to stomach. The album doesn’t need a stinkin’ hipster-baiting cover song to get over.
9. Converge “Cruel Bloom”
Once again, not really that bad of a song once “Cruel Bloom” comes to its thrilling conclusion, but as Modest Mouse showed us in 2004, there’s no need in trying to imitate Tom Waits when you’re not Tom Waits. Let the original stick with the guttural sea shanteys; you guys just focus on melting my brains with your muscular and tight metalcore. Be what you are; don’t go changing just to please nobody.
8. Propagandhi “Human(e) Meat (The Flensing of Sandor Katz)”
I haven’t had a chance to talk about Propagandhi’s Supporting Caste yet, so let me just say that the album is phe-fucking-nominal and you should go out and buy it (yes, buy!) right now. With that said, the opening decapitation sound effects on this song give me a serious case of the vomits. Never mind the bullheaded lefty politics, the opening 20 seconds of this song are just to icky. Guaranteed skip track fodder.
7. Volcano Choir “Mbira in the Morass”
I’m still quite enjoying Unmap, but truth be told, it really is about two different artists coming together for some musical experimentation. It mostly works splendidly, but there are also some weak points. Luckily, those weak points are merely boring and ignorable instead of truly insipid. Still, next time these guys decide to record again, it might be best if they wiat until they have enough material for the album so they don’t have to waste our time with filler like this.
6, Phoenix “Love Like A Sunset”
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is really fantastic fun and quite deserving of all the praise and popularity that has been heaped on it. But still, the album could have been a lot more fun if the band didn’t feel the need to pull out the “experimental” card. Appearing just four songs into the album, “Love Like A Sunset” is nearly eight minutes of vaguely Reichian flourishes that slowly builds to a climax that is little more than a run-of-the-mill two-minute Phoenix track that doesn’t fit in naturally with the intense intro it receives. If this were a metal song, I would likely applaud the gradual mood shifts and cascading crescendos. If this had taken place at the beginning of Wolfgang, I would have been happy with the slow, but satisfying start. At track four, however, “Love Like A Sunset” abruptly changes the tone of what is up to that point an immensely fun album. In the end, Wolfgang is worse off for having lost its momentum.
5. The Lonely Island “Shrooms”
Comedy albums (and sketch comedy for that matter) have always been hit or miss. Incredibad is no different. While the SNL Digital Short trio pad their album with a couple of cuts pulled straight from the show, they all find a way to work in audio form in one way or another. Part of what works for them is that the Lonely Island always make sure that the song works as well as the comedy. On “Shrooms,” however, neither the song nor the comedy really seem to matter. This is an easy, guilt-free skip.
4. Yo La Tengo “The Fireside”
Popular Songs is a sweet, ridiculously enjoyable album that sees the veteran indie rockers digging back into their Americana songbook and reviving several different aspects of the more innocent aspects of 1960s pop (surf city garage rock, Motown girl groups). The album is an infectious ride that takes an odd left turn with its three closing tracks, all of which clock over nine minutes. That’s all least one song too many. The nine-and-a-half-minute “More Stars Than There Are In Heaven” is a slow burner with clear direction, while the 15-minute closer “And The Glitter Is Gone” is a hard-edged rave up. That leaves the 11-minute “The Fireside,” which goes nowhere fast and forces the listener to start checking their watch. Drop this track and Popular Songs becomes a much tighter collection of songs.
3. Neko Case “Marais la Nuit”
Over 30-minutes of field recordings from Neko Case’s Virginia ranch? No thank you. If your iPod is almost full up and you need to start dropping songs to fit in more music, look no further than this waste of time.
2. Ghostface “The Stapleton Sex”
It’s true, Ghostface’s latest “R&B” album isn’t particularly great, but it would be a lot harder to come to that conclusion if it weren’t for this piece of yuck. The hip hop sex jam is as old as the concept of raising your hands in the air and waving them around like you just don’t care, but when you tackle the topic with such a lack of humor and flair, well, then you get this track. Just listening to this song makes my pee burn. Look to DJ Quik and Kurupt’s BlaQKout (specifically “Watcha Wan Do”) on how to find the right balance of smut, swagger and humor on a good sex track.
1. Jay-Z “Reminder”
Where to start? OK, the hook is garbage, all auto-tuned nails on a blackboard. How anyone could have approved that is beyond me. Next up, the second verse. Really, Hov? You’re simply going to list every year you’ve been recording? “’96, ’97, ’98, ’99, 2000, 2001 and beyond / 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6 and 7, 0-8 and 0-9.” Jay, you’ve been lazy before, but even Bill Cosby put more effort into on his recent rap album…and he doesn’t appear on the album at all. Everytime I hear this track, I start to wonder whether Jay-Z should consider returning to his retired state. The sad thing is, “Venus VS. Mars” and “Hate” probably could have taken the no. 1 spot here too, yet I still liked The Blueprint 3. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.